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Crazy! Yes, I know, I am, and the feelings along with memories that still haunt me are just as crazy. I searched for someone to love me but because I clung to the past due to being , anxiety filled is what I gave to you. I hate myself for the hurt I've caused, I know I love you, I know you were everything I wanted. I live with such regret, you have no idea how I wish I could go back and change things. I've been weak beaten down, it's hard to fight those reaching out when you have nothing to fight for, I know where I'm at is wrong for me, I closed everyone out and got what I deserved, the only one there in the end is a selfish controlling individual. I fight myself most days to stay, put on a fake smile because I feel I owe it to him, or that it's what's best for my . I know how I felt when I was with you, you, your touch, your voice, your me, our times shared it all lingers in my heart and head. I'd give my life to have it all again. Most days I want to pack my stuff, get in my car and move, restart life, work out details along the way and honestly just be with you, restart the union we attempt to form, give myself, all of me to you. Yes, I need you, I want to look to you and on you as the strong man you are while I rebuild myself, the real me, the person you fell for. The only thing that stops me is that obviously me staying away is what's best for you, I've tried numerous times to get your attention but it me knowing the love I feel for you is not reciprocated because you want nothing from me. I suppressed so much then, hid the truth, and now loving you is what I'm suppressing everyday. I'm sorry, I wish nothing but happiness for you. You and your son are truly AWESOME, a find, bald head and all. Happy Father's Day, Superman!
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