• I'll be 51 tomorrow. I was handsome when I was. Now my face sags, my hair is grey, and I'm not "fat," but i have an old guy's body local want sex even though I work out, bike, and lift weights. I was fired from my job 5 years ago and couldn't get another job and lived off my savings, then my. Then I got a tooth infection that blew up my face and it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. Since I couldn't afford the $ surgery, I kept taking antibiotics but the infection kept coming back and finally I tapped my family for loans. Tooth fixed. I got another job at a fraction of what I was making before, but it's a job and a job is a job. My 9-year marriage ended last year together 14 years and I couldn't afford the apartment my wife and I shared. I was homeless and living in a car. We fought because we were both struggling so badly just to pay the rent that we had nothing left for the relationship. Finally we turned on each other, and it became enough with the yelling and crying and feeling hopeless. My doesn't work anymore, I have to take Cialis to have sex, but it's $60 a pill without insurance, so if perchance I can afford a single pill so I can have sex, I cut the pill in thirds. I have no close friends, and I don't know that I'm not going to end up like my father, alone, broke and living in a squalid apartment wearing a diaper and dead for days in 95-degree heat because no one checked on me because no one one could stand to be around me. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I have nothing to do. I don't know what I do. I think of suicide a lot but it would be a mess and a lot of grief for a lot of people whose fault it isn't that I ended up a bloated, angry failure living in the cheapest apartment I could find, and unemployed. Oh, yes unemployed did I tell you I was fired March 1 because of massive budget cuts where I was working for a fraction of what I was making in ? I really don't like myself. I am angry at myself for being a fat, ugly failure, a mediocre who just didn't make the grade. I have tried therapy, but I keep getting people I cannot relate to. Thanks for listening and I'm sorry to be a whiner, if that's how I come off. You guys are the ones I'm telling this to I don't tell anyone my troubles, not even my family. Married housewives looking adult dating meet horny people

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